Crappy Customer Service

May FOTM

Why do we underestimate the lemon (pictured here in its handy-dandy keeper purchased at Safeway)?  If I could only eat one fruit for the rest of my life it would most likely be the lemon.  It is versatile and can cheer us with its mere presence.  I have them in my house as a staple, having given up on ReaLemon during last year's lemon shortage.  For some reason, the processed stuff was unavailable but "real" lemons were plentiful.  Now I won't be without them.

I put lemon in all my water drinks, not only because it tastes good but it keeps the cats out of them when my back is turned.  All my cats hate lemons, which is quite common.  Otherwise I turn back and someone is dipping a paw into my drink to fish out the ice.  I also put lemon in my tea, hot or cold.  Lemon yogurt is the best flavour, as is lemon gelato.  If something comes in a variety of fruit flavours it's the one I look for because it's quite likely that they didn't just use artificial flavouring - real lemon extract is economical.  Lemon juice finishes many of my most-loved dishes.

And just to prove how lemon-crazy I am, I recently made this delicious lemon poppy seed loaf from Seasaltwithfood.  In addition to using fresh and dried lemon peel, and glazing the crust with lemon syrup, I used lemon extract.  This loaf probably would've made the top of your skull cave in but I thought it was just right.

I always thought that lemon was the one flavour besides vanilla one could convince everyone to eat - until I met my husband.  He hates lemon.

Felicitations

My great-aunt Maggie got married again last weekend.  This was her fourth marriage as well as his.  They are both 74 years old and they started dating only a year ago.  When I heard they were getting married I asked my mom why, I mean, I'm pretty sure no one is going to give any guff to a couple of seniors who shack up.  Mom says Maggie is very traditional - she was widowed three times, not divorced.  (Insert impending groom-doom joke here.)  Anyway, there's no mistaking the joy on her face on her wedding day.  I have mixed feelings about marriage but I'm rooting for these two.

I've Accepted That I'm Going To Look Like A Dork While Exercising, Too. You Should Try It. It's Very Freeing.

I'm watching exercise videos again after a long hiatus.  I am a sucker for anything to do with dance because if it ain't fun, I ain't doin' it.  I gave up on the whole cycle/ellipse/treadmill thing because it makes me feel like I'm in jail or in Hell.

I do have to watch my step though.  I borrowed Shiva Rea's Yoga Trance Dance from the library and gave it a whirl.  It was really fun - so fun, in fact, that I found I'd done an entire hour of the video.  Now, anyone reading this under the age of 25 will have to think about that for a minute.  I went from not dancing at all to dancing for an hour.  Right away I knew I was in trouble.

I spent the next two days begging for mercy every time I had anything to do with the level below my waist.  I couldn't even pet my cats or reach down to my coffee table without busting into tears.  Apparently I don't use my lower back enough!

Once I'd recovered I picked up a copy of The Bollywood Dance Workout with Hemalayaa.  She is suddenly everywhere for some reason - including the cover of this month's Yoga Journal and on the talk show circuit.  It wasn't as fun as Trance Dance, but it was still cool.  And it didn't nearly kill me.

Distaff Hunks Of Yore

What is the word I could use that isn't uncomfortably sexist?  Honeys?  Is "hunks" too sexist?  I dunno.  Anyway I saw The Barefoot Contessa for the first time today.  How did I not see it before?  I love Ava Gardner.

 

I always had a soft spot for brunettes - they're on my team.  She's actually good in this, despite the weird script.  And would you look at that necklace!  Where is that necklace today?  And can I have it??

I Don't Want to Jinx It...

...but I fixed my OWN damn Eustachian tube.  I know you guys don't give a crap about my ear parts but I'm going to talk about it here because I did a LOT of internet research before stumbling on the solution.  So it's going on the record where others can read what to do (consult with your doctor, people).  If you don't care, shuffle off with my regards.

My doctor sent me on my way last Saturday with a bottle of Otrivin, which didn't help at all.  My E-tube was still swollen, ringing and hot.  It was an all day, all night distraction.  My searches led me to this pilot's forum thread about blocked E-tubes.  Pilots have a lot of ear problems because of constant pressure changes, and they have to pass high-level hearing tests on a regular basis to keep their flight status.  I benefited from their interest.

A person on this thread had good results with high-dose guaifenesin syrup.  I already knew my E-tube wasn't infected, just blocked (there was no inflammation or fever and the doc said it wasn't infected).  I've taken guaifenesin before during a cold so I knew I could tolerate it.  I have mucus issues about which I won't elaborate in print but I knew the problem was a blockage.  So to get things moving I took double doses of syrup for four days.  I also took Aleve (naproxen to Canadians) to reduce the swelling, which was the only thing to work - Advil woudn't touch it and Tylenol bounces off my pain.  24 hours after starting guaifenesin my ear popped.  Today the ringing is gone and I'm off the Aleve.

Now, why didn't my doctor know this?

Did I Say Quiet?

The Edmonton Examiner has a little article in it this week that mentions that the city is not going to enforce stricter traffic noise bylaws in June as they had previously stated.  Looks like the street rods and Harleys win again.

I live at the end of a long residential road where the speed limit is rarely obeyed.  It's become a popular cruising route for motorbikes that are nowhere near street legal.  They gear down as they approach my house and the noise is so loud I can't hear my TV.  My windows rattle.  This issue is one of the highest volume complaints to the City of Edmonton phone line, and yet they say it isn't their problem.  It isn't bylaw's problem and it isn't the city cops' problem.  It isn't the RCMP's problem, either. It's MY problem.

On Sunday I was watering my lawn and I was thinking about putting the sprinkler on the edge of my lawn and turning it into the street.  Sure, the water would be expensive, but every motorcyclist would get a shower at the end of the road.  Or how about if I sat on my front lawn with my camera and a pad of paper?  Step onto the sidewalk and take their picture as they approach my house.  Write down their licence plate numbers?  Nah, maybe not - some of them are flying gang colours.

I've got to move out of this damn city.

No Trader Joe's, But You Can Choose Your Own Doctor

It must be tough for the cosmopolitan American to move to Canada.  We are way behind on some things.

1.  Canada's been punished extensively over the last five years over our government's refusal to implement and prosecute strict digital rights management laws.  It's a subtle thing but once you start to notice, the conspiracy nut that lives in the corner of everyone's brain begins to giggle.  For instance - there's no Netflix in Canada.  There are other companies providing a similar service but they suck ass.  I think it also has to do with our far-flung populace and the terrible quality of our postal system, which leads me to:

2.  Our shitty postal system.  I am a regular Etsy shopper, Ebay shopper and pro buyer so I spend all damn day shipping things from hither to yon.  I specify on my purchase orders at work to never, ever use Canada Post.   I will pay more for better service from the couriers.  Canada Post is not as good as the US Postal Service and they cost more.  Shipping from the western US to western Canada is way cheaper and more reliable than domestic shipping from any point.  I don't think it's a quality problem on the staff level - our standards just aren't kept as high.

3.  We are so provincial in our choices of stores.  It takes at least 5 years for a good American store to attempt to come to Canada.  Many stores just aren't interested because we have 10% of the population of the US, so no matter what we Canadian customers do our buying power is minimal.  Canadians have been screaming for Target to come up here and end our misery for at least 15 years. 

There's really nothing we can do about these things either.  It's the sacrifice we make to live in (relatively) quiet peace and comfort.  We just have to make grabby hands toward the south once in a while.

Edmontonians, Lend Me Your Ears.

Spring does things to us here.  I'm not talking about the improvement of the moods of a million people once they can take off their socks and bust out their sandals - although that happens too.  When you live in a place where the max. and min. temperature are 80°C apart, the change has a physical effect.

I celebrate spring as the end of my dry vasomotor rhinitis.  The cold, dry air in a place where no humans should live has scarred the inside of my nose and sinuses.  It was a mild condition that increased from years of breathing coolant steam and metal filings while machining and is now a full wintertime pain in the ass nose.

This year brings something new!  I thought I had impacted ear wax.  It creates a full sensation on the side of the head.  If you've had it you know it's not painful, just annoying.  I sat in the doctor's waiting room for an hour just to have him look in my ear, see no wax, and tell me that I have an inflamed Eustachian tube.  He tells me this is a common Spring condition in Edmonton, when the pollen rises and the air pressure changes.  He is seeing even more cases now since there are prairie fires to the north.  All that dust and smoke and schmutz gathers at the connections between our ears, nose and throat. 

I have since spoken to two other people with E-tube problems - one of them with a chipmunk-cheek swelling.  I had no idea it was so common.  So, if you're out there suffering, save yourself an hour wait followed by a 2-minute discussion:  Take some Otrivin for a couple of days and some Advil for the swelling.

April FOTM

Yes I'm pretending it's still April, shut up.

The fruit this month is the mango.  I have eaten what I'm sure are some of the worst mangoes ever.  In India, a monkey would turn down the mangoes sold for $2.50 apiece and up in Alberta.  I believe that Edmonton, in spite of its large Asian population, is the world's defective mango dumping-ground.  Having eaten all the good mangoes, Asia sends us the rest.

I can't say I blame them,though.  I love mangoes in spite of being tested this way.  I hope to someday go to India for the mango season and taste a proper one.  In the meantime, now is the season for the Alphonso Mango.  This is supposed to be the best mango out of hand - you don't want to cook these, just slice off their delicious cheeks and eat.  I have only seen them available in western Canada in the last two seasons.

 
They come to me a little worse for wear, having traveled long.  They have a strong lemon note to them that I've not tasted with other varieties.  Get them while you can because they have a short shelf life.