Crappy Customer Service

In Which We Post, Or Die.

December 24 – Everything’s OK What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?

Wait a minute...everything's going to be OK?  Why didn't you say so?  How do you know this??  Why were you keeping this information to yourself???

As I sit at my computer in my warm, safe home, watching my rumpled cat stretch and turn over, I can safely say that I have never thought that everything will be OK.  Never! 

Really?

December 8 – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.

What?  I'm not a lighter-up-of-people.  I'm a puritan weirdo that is ignored at best!  Sadly, these days I am finding my sense of civility is the difference between myself and others.  I am really polite to strangers and acquaintances.  I wish it wasn't a lost art.

Nostalgia is for Wussies.

Sundry asks us if we miss our teens and 20's at all.  I'm in the HELL NO camp.  Right up until I met my husband at 23, I was miserable all the time.  I was taking antidepressants and still crying myself to sleep at night.  I was thinner, but it was because I'd come home from work and go to sleep until morning.  Every day.

I couldn't get a date if I stood naked on the roof of Barry T's.  My friends were assholes.  My mother was going through menopause and was a pain in my ass.  My dad was still an alcoholic and verbally abusive.

Even after I met and fell in love with my husband, which improved my life in every way, we were dirt poor.  I don't know how we managed.  I failed in two careers after truding my way through school twice.  I was living on EI for a year, which ain't no happy welfare state, FYI.

The only thing I miss, which I believe is what most people are longing for, is my perfectly functioning, beautiful body.  I should have been a lot more respectful of it.

Even If you Can't Agree, You're Secretly Thinking It

What with working in a part of town where actual people hang out, and then using public transit, I'm seeing a lot more topless men lately.  It is the most unsavory part of my day (next to the occasional wet crosswalk fart).

On the bus today I thought to myself, even if David Beckham got on this bus without a shirt, I'd still think it was gross.  For the record, it is disgusting for anyone, male, female or otherwise, to walk around in public without a shirt unless you are near a body of water.  It doesn't matter how ripped you are, I don't wish to see it in the course of my day.  Just put that shit away forever.  No one likes you, and when you get on the bus with no shirt on, people head for the hills, no matter how crowded it is.

Hey, wait a minute....

Welcome Downtown, My Friend

Yes, I am officially a worker bee of the downtown area.  I was standing at a crosswalk, waiting to go back into the Ugly Government Building and a dude in a fouled Canadian Tuxedo let out a huge wet fart...after looking at me over his shoulder. 

It took me at least an hour to laugh about it.

Fuck.

A "For Rent" sign went up on a house near me today.

We don't have a great record with the three families that have lived in that house in the seven years we've been here.  This last one is a douche who doesn't keep the yard up, but at least he's quiet.

I don't expect better neighbours.  I have a bad track record.  Time after time I've said to myself, Maybe it's I who am the shitty neighbour.  But I kill my dandelions and put out nice flowers and pop misdirected mail into the proper box.  If anyone was willing to put their hand out in any way, I would be happy to keep your spare key and water the containers when you go on vacation.  I will even acknowledge you, which everyone knows is against my nature.  I, your neighbour, have the most interest in a good relationship with you.

But...the last few years have seen my neighbourhood go downhill.  Crime is up.  The sidewalks are a civic embarrassment.  Muslim and First Nations families are moving in...which I don't consider a negative, but plenty of people buying houses won't buy in an area with lots of brown people in them, yes that still happens.  So the house price explosion didn't happen to the extreme it did elsewhere in Edmonton.  That means people, like myself, who couldn't afford much are coming in.  And the ones who bought at the top of the bubble are finding that they can't sell for what they need to get, so they're renting out.  As a rule you can spot the rented houses in Edmonton - they are the ones with the shitty upkeep.  They are a drag on other properties' value.

I'm hoping to get a relatively tame military family, since I live near two bases.  Or perhaps a guy who is away on the rigs a lot.  Or maybe somebody just normal and quiet, how about that?  I don't care what colour they are.

What A Wonderful World

Isn't it nice that, in this age of cynicism and segregation we as one world can come together and find a million ways to make fun of a grown man with the impulse control of a child?  Yes it is!

Thanks to imaletyoufinish.com

Trying Not to Tell Everyone @ Work to Fuck Off...And Succeeding (So Far)

My boss, who is a wonderful lady and the nicest, best person I've ever worked for, was forced into retirement this Friday, partly because of her health issues and partly because they're cutting back.  She was still working full-time and doing a great job but they decided they needed someone who was not telecommuting.  Fortunately she got a nice big golden parachute so she's OK.

They are not filling her job so it looks like my department is going to be left with more responsibilities without more pay.  They just laid off a number of people because we were down in sales - just like every other company in North America.  People were cutting their promotional budgets and it hurt us.  But...the business is coming back quickly.  From now until Christmas is our peak season.

Now, here's the rub:  I can't stand the owners.  Seriously, they are malicious dickbags who shouldn't be running a company.  They have no management training.  And now, with my boss's retirement, they have removed the entire management level of the company.  It's just us peons and the owners.  Have you ever tried to ask the owner of a large company for something?  I don't know about you guys but around here the answer is invariably NO.  They are cheap and stupid and if I have to face them 8 hours a day I will go so crazy that my husband will have me committed.

So I'm looking for a new job.  I hate even saying that.

I want my job back with my great boss.  Sure, I was grossly underpaid but at least I wasn't responsible for much.  I felt free to exceed expectations and look like a hero.  Now I have to go and start all over again...just like I have to do every five years.  I despise the job hunt but I've come home spitting with frustration every night for the past two weeks and I can feel my job draining my life force away.  I'm not sleeping well and my stomach is in a giant knot.

I may sound like a whiner here.  But if you saw my career path you would definitely shout WTF??  And the shit part is, it's always forces beyond my control pushing me down the road.  I never get to leave on my own terms.

Have You Ever Met a Person Without a Nutshell?

I know someone with no nutshell.  When he tells you about something that happened to him you have to hear about every detail, relevant or not.  He is incapable of summing up anything.  Today he mentioned that someone he knows has made off with his A/C unit; he was storing it at their house and they moved without giving it back.  Now think about how long it took you to read that sentence.  Let's say three seconds?  He told the story about it, first to me, then to someone else, and it took five minutes each time. 

He mentioned the names of everyone involved, even though I know none of them.  He told me where they had stored the unit and why they couldn't get it earlier in the year.  He told me about how they stopped at the convenience store on the way there and itemized his shopping list.  By the time the story was done I was looking around for a sharp point upon which to throw myself.

The art of good conversation involves constant consideration of the listener.  If you don't, you are just listening to yourself talk for the pleasure given to you by your own voice.  You are a bastard.

Did I Say Quiet?

The Edmonton Examiner has a little article in it this week that mentions that the city is not going to enforce stricter traffic noise bylaws in June as they had previously stated.  Looks like the street rods and Harleys win again.

I live at the end of a long residential road where the speed limit is rarely obeyed.  It's become a popular cruising route for motorbikes that are nowhere near street legal.  They gear down as they approach my house and the noise is so loud I can't hear my TV.  My windows rattle.  This issue is one of the highest volume complaints to the City of Edmonton phone line, and yet they say it isn't their problem.  It isn't bylaw's problem and it isn't the city cops' problem.  It isn't the RCMP's problem, either. It's MY problem.

On Sunday I was watering my lawn and I was thinking about putting the sprinkler on the edge of my lawn and turning it into the street.  Sure, the water would be expensive, but every motorcyclist would get a shower at the end of the road.  Or how about if I sat on my front lawn with my camera and a pad of paper?  Step onto the sidewalk and take their picture as they approach my house.  Write down their licence plate numbers?  Nah, maybe not - some of them are flying gang colours.

I've got to move out of this damn city.